


I'm Glad You Aren't Her

by Virlomi



Category: The Maze Runner Series - James Dashner
Genre: Brenda was good for Thomas, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, I Am Not A Teresa Fan, Thomenda
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-05
Updated: 2015-02-05
Packaged: 2018-03-10 15:36:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,094
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3295664
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Virlomi/pseuds/Virlomi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Thomas works through what Teresa did to him after her death and is reminded why he chose Brenda.  Short Thomas/Brenda one-shot.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'm Glad You Aren't Her

Thomas lay on the ground in a ball, his arms wrapped close to his body and his head tucked close to his chest. He was trying, unsuccessfully so far, to sleep. Instead, he was playing a jumpy movie over and over in his head. The movie in which, over and over, Teresa betrayed him and took him to what he thought would be his death. 

"You have to trust me, no matter what," she had said.

 _Oh, really? I do? So you can use me for WICKED's game. You, Teresa, of all people, should have known that WICKED wouldn't-and couldn't-kill me, even if they told you they would. They proved that when they came and took the bullet out of my shoulder_ , he thought.  _No, Teresa, it was you who missed something, not me._

Besides, he had finally decided that he would rather die believing his friends were behind him than live with betrayal. Unfortunately, he didn't get to choose. Teresa got that choice, and she apparently didn't know him well at all. 

Teresa, I loved you once. I know I did. I thought you loved me. _What happened?_  But Thomas knew he didn't have to really ask that question. He knew that Teresa had chosen WICKED over him. 

Why did that bother him so much? He had a feeling it had to do with the memories he couldn't remember, but he also knew it had to do with the ones he did remember. 

Teresa's telepathic messages.

The fact that she believed in him when they solved the Maze.

The comradeship they had before all of this, that comradeship that he only vaguely understood now.

And there was that kiss, the one that he still was confused about. Was it Teresa who chose that? Or WICKED controlling her? He'd heard both sides of that story now, but which one was the truth? And after that kiss, there was the one that Teresa obviously thought she meant. And he hadn't meant at all.

He squeezed himself tighter into a ball, fighting the anger that surged up. How dare she betray him like that and then come back and think that she could kiss him right afterwards? Who did Teresa think he was? Well, she was wrong, whatever she thought, and she had misunderstood him more than he could forgive.

But if he hated her so much, if she had hurt him so badly, betrayed and used him...why did he miss her so much? Why couldn't he just forget her completely and chalk it up to WICKED's last lie?

For some reason, a line from a long time ago came into his head, and he had no idea where it was from. _I hate everything about you...why do I love you?_  Was it from a poem? A song? A book? Sometime in the long ago past that he might have once enjoyed?  He had no idea.  

But it did fit. Why did he feel anything for Teresa now? After all this? 

Because losing someone always hurts, he decided, trying to push the thoughts away. She had tried to apologize, tried to make things right, but it was  _too late to apologize._

 _It's too late to apologize, it's too late. I said, it's too late to apologize._  

There was a nagging feeling with that phrase too. Something else from his past that he felt he should remember, but didn't at all. He pushed it aside. Wherever it came from, it was exactly right. Teresa had her chance, and she lost it. And even if she hadn't...

Well, Teresa was dead now, so what did it matter?  Why did it still bother him? Enough. Time to shut it off. 

He closed his eyes tightly and took several shallow breaths, trying to calm his hyper consciousness. 

Brenda stirred next to him, and he uncurled from his ball and turned towards her. She was asleep, but he watched her breathe anyway. 

Brenda had never done that to him. Never played games she didn't mean. When she wanted to kiss him, she meant it, and she didn't sell him out afterwards. 

 _You aren't her. You could never be her,_ he had told her that time. Now he was so glad that was the truth. 

"Don't ever be like her," he whispered so low he could barely hear himself. "Thank you for never being like her."

Brenda stirred again, but he knew she hadn't heard him, even though her eyes opened slightly. "Thomas? Is something wrong?"

He shook his head in the dark. "Nah."

"Why aren't you asleep then?" she said, sitting up on her elbows. 

"Just...thinking," he answered, trying to smooth her staticky hair.

"Tell me about it?" She asked, and then stifled a yawn.

"I was just thinking...how I'm glad you aren't Teresa. You know, I never...never apologized for telling you that...you weren't her. I mean, you aren't her, but that's a good thing, and...I was just thinking of how glad I am that...you weren't her."

Brenda smiled. "Well, thanks, but I already knew that."

He felt relieved somehow. "Good...I just...I don't know what happened with Teresa...and it bugs me sometimes. How she did...all that..."

Brenda put her hand on his shoulder. "I don't think you'll ever really knew what was in Teresa's mind. And she isn't here to tell you, and so...the way I see it is that you only really have one option. Better just acknowledge that you don't know what she was thinking and forgive her anyway. I mean, really, she's dead now, and she did die because she wanted to save you..."

Thomas sighed. She was oversimplifying things, yes, but she just wanted him to be happy, and...she was kinda right anyway. There was absolutely nothing he could do about it now. 

"I'll try," he said, and put his face into Brenda's hair. She hugged him tight. 

"Sorry, Thomas," she whispered. "I know I'm no help."

"You are too," he mumbled into her hair. "You..."  He didn't really know how to finish the sentence properly, so he didn't.  He was too tired to think.

"It's all right," Brenda said quietly, pushing him gently back onto the ground. "Go to sleep." 

He didn't answer, just curled up next to her and let her hold his hand, focusing on her touch until there were no more thoughts of Teresa.

No more thoughts of betrayal.

No more thoughts of WICKED.

No more thoughts of anything but feeling safe here with Brenda, safe enough to sleep.

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> "I hate everything about you...why do I love you" is a line from the song I Hate Everything About You by Three Day's Grace.
> 
> "It's too late to apologize, it's too late. I said, it's too late to apologize," should be easily recognizable from OneRepublic's hit song Apologize.


End file.
